[ that was a loaded question. how often has he felt angry? how often has he let the spite of former incarnations seep into him and fuel what he so desperately wanted to leave behind? it's difficult to explain the dissonance of his own existence. he puts dark nailed fingers to his forehead, as if he were trying to place something. ]
Kate ... you know who I am—[ more importantly: what. ]—my memories aren't exactly linear.
[ they've been broken apart, fractured in places and set again.
it leaves gaps filled with spite and anger, sorting out memories that did and did not exist, when the truth was that it didn't really matter which they were. they were real enough. ]
[ it's still odd to be so casual about touching, but this is Kate, so he doesn't protest. she's allowed to do as she pleased when it came to invading his space, he owed her a lot, but he's still not used to it. ]
Kate, the Avengers were formed in a former incarnation's anger. [ the incarnation that he kinda sorta is, but kinda sorta isn't. ] There's not much that isn't shrouded in rage when it comes to my memories.
[She's trying to understand, but really, multiple incarnations with jumbled memories isn't something she'll ever be able to get on a personal level. She's human, after all, and so she peers at him, studying his face, still listening carefully.]
But what about now? Are you still always angry? Has it gotten better?
[ sometimes he wonders what it would be like to be that mortal, without the mishmash of existential trauma and circular concept of memory. he's a story projected on reality, very much himself, but very much something else. ]
Well, it's not overwhelming.
[ just a slow fire, smoldering rather than consuming. ]
no subject
Kate ... you know who I am—[ more importantly: what. ]—my memories aren't exactly linear.
[ they've been broken apart, fractured in places and set again.
it leaves gaps filled with spite and anger, sorting out memories that did and did not exist, when the truth was that it didn't really matter which they were. they were real enough. ]
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I know. Can you give me a ballpark estimate? Is it all the time?
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Kate, the Avengers were formed in a former incarnation's anger. [ the incarnation that he kinda sorta is, but kinda sorta isn't. ] There's not much that isn't shrouded in rage when it comes to my memories.
no subject
But what about now? Are you still always angry? Has it gotten better?
no subject
Well, it's not overwhelming.
[ just a slow fire, smoldering rather than consuming. ]
no subject
[She squeezes his arm gently, quiet and thoughtful.]
What are you usually angry about?
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There's too much, Kate Bishop, some that I can't place, but I know it to be there. There are old wounds ...
[ ones that it seems that he can't escape, no matter how he tries. ]
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Hey, you can always talk to me if it helps, you know? Even if you want to be vague. Sometimes venting is nice.
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[ friend or not, because he doesn't really know how to be a good friend. ]
I'm too good a talker.
[ and he knows how frustrating that he can turn a situation. ]